The Secret of Martial Arts

There came a time during my martial arts training when I had to ask the serious question (both of myself and of my instructor): "Is this all there is?" I felt, after training so long (at that time, over eight years), that there should be more. How could someone who has a 7th degree black belt not have the ability to impart the "secrets of the temple" to students? How could an instructor with over thirty years of teaching experience fail by neglect or by ignorance to teach fundamental self-defense? Upon further investigation, I was able to determine that the fault was not so much one of poor teaching skills but of a fundamental flaw of the way my teacher was taught, and ultimately the way we would be taught because of it. It was also the direct result of what happens when we stop learning, thinking, and growing in our chosen field of study.
The ability to think "outside the box" becomes paramount when we consider the unforgiving nature of self-defense. The lack of such fundamental knowledge is the same as never having been to martial arts school at all.
What I've discovered, on my own, is, if we don't train for real life scenarios, then real life will find us unprepared, and we could be in a worse situation than before we began training because of a false belief that our training would save us.

Real self-defense is more than learning a few escape techniques--although that does help. Real self-defense also encompasses attitude, awareness, physical fitness, optimism (this is huge), and training. Without addressing all of these particular concerns, we can not be said to be true martial artists--regardless of the belt one wears.
"Permission" is so important that I'm going to address it first.
There were several occasions in which a parent of a student (we're still talking about martial arts here) would complain that their child was in a school-yard altercation and came out on the losing end. The essence of the query always went something like this, "Mr. Teacher, my son is a ranking student in your school; he does so well in your class, and he can hold his own against almost everyone in the class, how come he got beat-up at school?" To which the teacher would reply (again paraphrasing), "Well, I don't know, he does so well when he's here that you would think that it would be natural for him to win in the school yard--I just don't know."
At this time both the parent and the instructor are asking the child what went wrong, but the child can not articulate an answer and only shrugs.
The answer, dear friends, is that neither the teacher nor the parent have given the youngster "permission" to defend himself. There had never been a conversation where either the teacher or the parent said, "it's o.k. for you to defend yourself when you have to, just don't be the one who starts it, and don't be a bully. I would rather go to the school office and deal with a detention or suspension than go to the emergency room of a hospital because you let someone beat you up." Not too difficult, is it?
This is a huge part of martial arts, and it is so often overlooked that it becomes a danger to the student. It is possible to develop a sense of confidence that may lead to an exacerbated situation. Where at another (untrained) time the student may have attempted deescalation, he now may puff-out his chest and stand his ground. But, if he is not ready to commit himself to win, he may get hurt and wonder why.
The solution is rather simple: As a teacher, I can teach techniques and say, "You have my permission to defend yourself, if you have to; you don't need to let other people hurt you. I also want you to talk to your mom or dad or both about what they think you should do in the event of a self-defense problem." It is beneficial to have a parent there when you give this speech, so that the parent can hear what you say and the context in which it was said. Encourage the parent/child dialogue; make it a type of homework assignment.
Both the parent and the child will benefit from the peace of mind afforded from that lesson; the child will know when it's o.k. to defend, and the parent will know that the child now has a better chance to protect himself--the very reason he entered in to martial arts training in the first place.